dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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