Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
