her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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