We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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