Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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