I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You ate ashes out of my bong
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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