You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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