You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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