quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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