saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I deserve this hangover.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
