i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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