Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
