Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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