I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
