No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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