im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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