so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
