look no pants
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
