btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
