The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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