even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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