worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize