I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
