Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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