Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
