Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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