The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
