So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
no you cant smoke seaweed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
