Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
