You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
