I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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