im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
