I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
