She said her name was "party"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
