I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
