Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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