im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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