its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
