He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
