did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
