I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
NoShamevember. You game?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
