he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
