I'm jealous of your bromance
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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