Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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