Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Terrible idea I love it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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