Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Randomize
