I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
