he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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