I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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