We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
