Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
