I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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