She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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