the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
