nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Randomize
