Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
