i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
