I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
