dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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