i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize