There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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