We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
