Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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