Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
