the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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