we're blogging at a bar
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
