I got chris browned last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
