Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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