In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
