I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
