If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it's like iHOP with fire
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
