Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
