This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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