a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
