My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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