It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
