There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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