She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
