bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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