I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
