I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize