dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
